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He waited till the last breathe.

After I get done mowing I stand back and look at the yard, it looks pretty darn good and using the tractor is WAY easier than pushing the electric walk-behind mower that we've had all these years, in fact I drag out our old electric mower and sell it for $75.00 on the internet the next day, the first guy that responds to the add buys it. It was my lady's mower anyway so I figure that Im $75.00 ahead of the game now. I sold a bunch of her stuff on the internet after she left.

The guy that buys the electric mower tells me that his wife HATES things that clutter up the garage and make noise, I just nod my head and feel sorry for the poor bastard.

About a week later I'm mowing the yard again as my neighbor stands on his side of the fence watching me. When I get done he walks over and asks me if I'd mow his yard for $50.00?

It takes me 30 minutes to mow his yard and then he gives me a crisp new 50 dollar bill and offers me a beer. Now I'm $125.00 ahead with my free lawn mower.

I leave my neighbors house after mowing his yard and drive up onto the sidewalk to get back to my house when all of a sudden this knock-out redhead is standing there and motioning for me to stop, I shut down and take off my head phones and peer at her over my sunglasses thinking that she's about to yell at me for driving on the sidewalk.

She says "WOW! a classic Sears Craftsman with 16 horse Briggs and Stratton, very impressive and in excellent condition!"

She goes on to tell me that she really digs guys with riding lawn mowers that have an attitude and drive on sidewalks. She explains to me that it's always been her dream to hang with riding lawn mower dudes and that she "aint no wannabe but the real deal". She then says that there is a "Sturgis" every year for people with riding lawn mowers that she always attends and that she even won the wet T-shirt contest three years in a row......I believe her.

I brag to her that I just replaced the magneto in my tractor and that I have a spare tractor just like it for parts.

She nods and tells me that I can pull 75 horse out of the engine, easy, with twin overhead cams and a multi-port injection kit but I'd have to beef up the bottom end, like she did in her mower back in California, that she races.

My lady has been gone several months now and I haven't been with another woman yet so the whole time that I'm talking to this chick I'm getting more and more turned on by the minute and am about to ask her out when this big dude comes over and slaps her on the ass and says to me

"Nice machine bro"........

The hot redhead then introduces me to her husband and explains that he's a former drag racer and that it's very common for retired Top-Fuel people to be real heavy into riding lawn mowers because of the adrenaline rush that they get from feeling the wind in their hair when they're mowing.

I just sigh and nod my head - no redhead for me obviously.

A week later my neighbor who I mowed the lawn for asks me to come over and mow his yard again and I do for another $50.00.

Afterward he tells me that this blonde chick that has a house just up the street needs her lawn mowed, would I do it for 50 bucks? It's a sunny afternoon and I don't have anything else to do so I say yeah sure and he tells me he just talked with her on the phone and to just go mow her yard and knock on the door when I'm done and shell pay me.

I should point out that by now, six months after becoming a "Mower" that my hair has gotten pretty long and I've started wearing wraparound sunglasses and black leather when I'm on my steel chariot and mowing. Chicks have begun to stop me in places like the supermarket to say things like "You're the dude with the classic Sears mower aren't you?"

Yeah, it's more than an obsession,

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