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A man answers a friend's question about what he really wants.

Stephanie held her hand up in triumph as she pulled away from me, the remote clutched in her fingers. Jeff was staring at us and I realized that she had just kissed me as a distraction. She sat back down beside me and started flipping channels, looking for something to watch.

The full impact of what had just happened suddenly hit me and I stood up suddenly and ran to the stairs. Once again I found myself desperately needing to escape the living room.

"Emmy, where you going?" Stephanie called out behind me, obviously confused as to why I just took off.
I didn't answer her, I just ran up the stairs to my room and curled up in a ball on my bed. I felt like crying but I managed to hold off my tears.

It wasn't long before I heard someone approaching my room, Stephanie coming to check on me I assumed. I didn't know what I was going to say to her.

"You okay Em?"

I actually looked over my shoulder to make sure I had heard that right. Jeff had come instead of Stephanie, I hadn't expected that. I shrugged miserably, not trusting myself to speak, and felt him sit down at the end of the bed.

"Sorry we freaked you out. I know it's weird, what we do," he said.

"It's not that," I managed to say without my voice breaking, "it's just... it's Stephanie. When we were shopping today she did things. We did things. I don't know." I paused and wiped my eyes with the corner of my blanket. "I think I liked it too, I was okay with it."

Jeff was just sitting and listening to me as I tried to explain what I was feeling. Listening was something I could usually rely on him for.

"Then she kissed me, and I liked that too. But she didn't care. She didn't even care that it was our first kiss. It was just a game for her, she only wanted to get the remote." I felt like crying again and I did my best to hold it back.

"Em, it's not just a game for her," Jeff said quietly. "Steph's impulsive, if she wants to do something she just does it. She doesn't always think it through. She cares about you though, I know that."

"You're right," I said as I sniffed and wiped at my eyes again, "I'm probably just overreacting. I just panicked a little I guess."

"No, I don't think you overreacted, Steph should have been more careful. I'll talk to her about it."

We sat in silence for a few minutes as I tried to sort out my thoughts. I was feeling a little better after Jeff's reassurances and I knew he was right about Stephanie, that she wouldn't purposely try to hurt me.

"Jeff, rub my back?" I asked. I rolled onto my stomach as I felt him shift closer to me. He lay his hand on back and started making small circles up and down my spine.

Jeff used to give me back rubs sometimes when I was upset or stressed out; they always helped me relax. It had been a long time since he had given me one, although a lot of that had to do with him moving out.

I lay still for a while and let him work, feeling some of the tension drain from me. As nice as it felt though, there were still things lurking in my mind that I had to deal with.

"Jeff?" I asked tentatively.


"How do you feel about it? Me and Stephanie I mean."

He didn't immediately answer but I didn't press him, I was pretty sure he was just thinking about how to answer. His hand slipped under my shirt to make direct contact with my skin.

"As long as you're both happy," was all he said.

"That's it? You don't care who she sleeps with as long as she's happy?"

"I didn't say that Em, if it was somebody else...." His hand stopped moving for a moment. "But I don't feel jealous of you, I don't know that I could."

"And you don't mind her seducing your little sister?"

"Like I said, as long as you're happy."

What he was saying actually made a certain amount of sense to me. I ran it through my head a couple times as Jeff slowly pushed my shirt further up, trying to get to my upper back.

I rolled over suddenly, causing Jeff's hand to slide onto my bare tummy where he left it.

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