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What you see is not what you expect.

I'm on the pill. It's okay."

Then I got it, and laughed, and went to hug her and apologise.

We ate fried eggs, soda farls, potato bread, fried mushrooms and tomato. We talked, and talked, about being a veggie (I was for some years but lapsed when presented with Peking Duck) keeping pets (I don't, because I'm often away for work and can't look after them) and that lead on to work and life plans.

I build stuff. Models and sets and props for films and TV. I do armour and hand weapons and bows as well. I can forge swords, and make longbows. And I enjoy it, and it is well enough paid, and really I don't plan to do anything else for a living. But I do travel, and learn, and want to see the world. Not surprisingly, Carly agreed. And she had plans to study (architecture).

"You can help me build models," she said.

"Ah, at last," I said "We come to the truth. You aren't just after my body." I said it lightly, but she blushed and looked down again.

"No," she said. "Although it is a very nice body."

I heard how serious she was, but couldn't help saying "Thank you. I try to keep it in good nick, but it is getting a bit old."

"Not that old," she said, still sounding serious. "I mean, you aren't as old as my dad."

That hit me hard. I had forgotten about her parents. They were divorced. Not surprisingly - he was a first class git. And to be honest he was a fair few years older than me. I was old enough to be her father. At least, if I had started having sex when I wanted to I could have been her dad. Given that I wanted to when I was eleven.

"Okay, but I am nearly thirty. You are eighteen. It is a fair gap; big enough to be noticed. Which is a tiny issue which we might need to talk about." I tried to sound light, but we both knew it was a conversation which would change the day.

I was surprised when she said "Okay. But not here. I'm getting cold. Come to bed, and warm

me up."

She pulled the curtains and got into the bed in the dark, and snuggled close to me.

She sounded so serious when she spoke that in the darkness I broke into a smile which she could not see, but as I listened I realised that she was serious. "I want you to listen to me and not interrupt, okay. I don't expect you to say anything. Even when I've finished. I want you to think about what I've said. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I do this with Mum. Well, not this, not naked in bed, of course, but I talk to her and she has to keep quiet and then not talk for five minutes after I stop. It helps us not to row. So... I told you there was something I was going to say, but that I would tell you after lunch, so here it is."

She paused for breath and said "I love you. I have been in love with you since I was twelve. I have fancied you since I was fourteen, and first started fancying anyone. I have dreamed of making love with you, in every different way, and I have died every time I met you and had to leave. I had to go and frig myself off at the party last Christmas after you sat beside me on the sofa. I know, I am a silly little girl with a crush, I should be chasing boys my own age, I have done that, you know, and girls too. I should never have said those three dreadful words, and you will probably run away after this, and no! Don't shush me or kiss me or interrupt me! You promised!"

"Sorry," I mumbled, and let her continue, although when she went on she was less frantic sounding.

"I don't expect you to understand this. And I don't expect you to say you love me, and I don't expect you to be my boyfriend and have to talk to my parents. But I want you to know how much I wanted this. And how much this meant to me. And that I know this can't last. And I'll get over it, and I'll find someone my own age one day and all that stuff. But, I also don't want this to be the end. I want to see you again and share this again. So if we have to do it in secret that's okay with me."

She paused. Then said "Well that's about it. Now I'm going to make a pot of tea and I will come back in five minutes and you can speak then. Okay?"

I was too surprised to protest, although

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