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Friends become lovers.

The vagina is incredibly tough. Ass miles are nothing compared to it. In all my years I've never seen a penis that would wear out before the ass that it was fucking."

"Really? I thought the ass was tighter than the vagina."

"Here again, it depends on the ass, but I've found that people tend to go along with the fucking much more cautiously when they are off-roading their penis into an ass. Not only do they go relatively slowly in the ass, they are much more likely to use synthetic lubricants. It means there's a lot less wear on the penis in those situations."

"I see," replied the customer.

"Now, how hard would you say that you fuck?"

"How hard do I fuck?"

"Yes, on average."

"I don't rightly know, doctor. I reckon pretty hard. That's the way my wife likes it."

"Would you say you fuck hard the whole time, or do you make sweet, sweet love for a while and then really pound it on the home stretch?"

"I would say I probably pound it the whole time."

"How long is an average love session? Try not to exaggerate, just try to be as accurate as possible."

"Sure, doc. I'd say probably about fifteen minutes, on an ordinary night. Special occasions we go longer."

The mechanic made some notes. "And about how deep to you go on an average stroke?"

The customer thought about it. "All the way, or pretty close to it."

"And how about when you pull back for the next stroke?"

"I pull all the way back."

"All the way? Are you sure about that? You are completely clearing the vagina entrance and then going all the way back in?"

"Oh, no sir. I'm not doing that."

"Would it be safe to say you leave at least the head in?"

"The head and probably a little bit of the shaft, I suppose."

"That would make your penis's fuck cycle about eight inches. After the initial penetration, you go four inches in, four inches out for every stroke. That's exactly average for a six-inch penis. Okay, let's do some math here," the mechanic said, turning his notepad so the customer could follow the calculations. "If you average a hard fuck of one stroke per second for fifteen minutes, that's 900 strokes at eight inches a stroke . . . so you are putting about 600 feet of distance on your penis every time you have sex. With me so far?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Now, you have 320 vagina miles on the odometer. 5,280 feet in a mile, divided by 600 feet per sex episode. That means, on average, it takes you only 8.8 sexual encounters to go a full vagina mile. 320 times 8.8, and that means you've had sex 2816 times, give or take."


"That's what I thought. You put on the form that you've had the penis for ten years now?"

"Yes, sir. I bought it new when I got married."

"So that means you've averaged over 280 sexual encounters a year. That's impressive. But let me ask something else. What's your masturbation frequency?"

"Not all that often. I know everyone says that, but I've been married the whole time so I've never been without sex for long enough to jack off, not that my wife would let me anyway. My wife is Italian, has one of them high performance vaginas, and she wants it almost every day."

"How about anal sex or oral sex?"

"Sometimes. Special occasions, and usually just as foreplay."

"So it would be safe to say that almost all of your mileage is vagina mileage?" The mechanic asked, and the customer nodded in reply. "That explains a lot."

"Is that why it fell off?"

"Probably. Like I said, usually it's the ball joint that fails because people abuse the orgasm mechanism, but in your case it looks like the hydraulics might have gone out and caused the shaft to fail."

"Can it be fixed? I can't really afford a new penis right now."

"Sure, it can be fixed. We won't be able to get to it until later this week, at the earliest. We'll do a complete rebuild and it will work just fine, but remember that nothing is going to roll back that odometer."

"I see."

"Well, Mr.

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