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Another orgy with aristocratic connenections.

"How about I go inside and push while you stay out here and pull?" Martin suggested.

"How about you go fuck yourself. I'm not going to be anywhere behind King Kong Bundy should, by some miracle, he come flying outa there."

"Look, that's about the only option I see here."

"Why don't you pull and I'll push?"

"I have kids!" He through his hands in the air.

"I have looks!"

"God damn it Alex, I'm the fucking corporal here, now fucking get in position while I find a way inside."

"Shit..." I mumbled as Martin walked away. God I hope he stays stuck and we can call the fire department. The ladder monkeys are used to this sorta thing.


"Yeah, whatcha need?"

"Can you scratch my knee? It's been bugging me for a while now."

"Jesus Christ..." I rubbed the bridge of my nose while I thought about where my life had gone wrong. Fucking Law and Order. I wanted to be Jerry Briscoe. Not some jackass stuck prying manatees out of windows. Think happy thoughts Alex. Happy thoughts.

The Doc and I had been talking a lot more since Rebecca Johnson's little 'stair' incident. We seemed to at least be good acquaintances if not small time friends. I kept wondering if he was gay. Hand to god, the little twink didn't give shit away. I was tempted to just ask him out and be done with it. Still, I couldn't do that. If he said no things would be awkward every time I went in the ER, which was way too often. Denise would never stop giving me shit either.

Two months is a long time to dance around someone though. Add that on to the three months before we actually started talking to each other and this shit starts to get a bit ridiculous. I seemed to talk to him every single time I had to interview some dumb shit who lost a tooth or broke his nose in a bar fight. At least I hadn't seen Rebecca since then.

She had called me about two weeks after the incident to tell me she was fine and that Bobby was doing better. I wanted to believe her. You can't though. You fucking can't. At least she hadn't been back in the ER. She was a nice woman. Stupid, yes, but nice.

The front door opened. Martin stood there with his hands on his hips like he thought he was Superman.


"How'd you get in, oh great one?"

"The window on the side was unlocked too."

"Don't you know anything about window locks, buddy" Martin asked the man.

"I like fresh air. Locking and unlocking gets annoying after a while." He responded meekly.

Martin just shook his head.

"Alright Alex, let's get this over with."

"If I die, you're going to be my one and only paul bearer. I'll be sure to request the heaviest casket available."

"I'll rent a forklift, now stop bitching."

I grabbed both ankles. This was going to suck.

"On my count! Three, two, one, PULL!"

I tried. Really, I did! This guy was in there tighter than a pickle jar lid.

"That... was a massive failure." I said

"I have the feeling everything is massive when it comes to this guy."

"When he hauls ass, he has to make two trips. What'd you expect?"

"GUYS!! I'm right here!"

"That much is for damn sure." I muttered low enough for Martin to hear.

"I'm going to call the fire department. They'll have to cut him out."


Calling the fire department meant we would have to wait for them. Since it wasn't an emergency, we both knew they were going to take their sweet time.

"Hang tight man, the fire department is on their way."

I didn't wait for a response, turning instead to go sit with Martin in the car.

We shot the breeze for an hour, waiting for the boys in red to finish sliding down their pole. Thank god for car heaters. Just because it's October doesn't mean it's not cold enough to be uncomfortable.

"Hope they didn't bring Spot the fire engine dog or that guys ass is going to be in some real danger."

"I don't think a dog would go near that, no matter how desperate." I said.

"What's going on fellas?" asked the head fireman.

"King of the buffet managed to get stuck in his window."

"I'm surprised he managed to get in the window in

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