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" Her voice become as quiet as the grave, "I am more sorry than you could ever know." Without so much as a backward glance, she retrieved her coat and headed out into the night.
In the days that followed Jana's second refusal, the atmosphere between us gradually warmed once more, although the uncomfortable presence of the proposal lurked in the shadows like an unwanted ghost. Despite everything Jana's presence made my heart swell with joy, and engendered an altogether different form of engorgement elsewhere upon my anatomy. By the time my convalescence neared its end, I was having to take preventative measures before Jana arrived at the house so that I could at least give a passing resemblance of attention to the matters of which we spoke.
My physician recommended that I take a few weeks holiday before returning to full-time duties at the agency and I readily agreed -- such was my discomfiture in Jana's presence at that time. The first week of September saw me arrive in Nice where I spent my days walking to build muscle and my evenings eating and drinking to build a wall of resistance between my heart and my true love.
In the first few days I missed Jana so very much that it was like having a limb torn from me. My thoughts were with her every waking second and my dreams were a collage of images and sensations that I could only... well, dream about. But as my fitness returned with agonising slowness, so I began to build that emotional wall.
By the end of the third week I was confident that I could return to London afresh, and that Jana's presence would engender no more than a sensation of innocent delight -- a feeling that stayed with me until the eve of my return.
That night I dreamt once more of Lady Jane. In that dream I was looking into her eyes from no more than a couple of inches and as a sensation of intense heat overtook my heart and my loins, so I descended into the soul of my beloved. There I was enveloped by a soft blanket that moulded itself to every contour of my body, comforting me with its warmth. Gradually the heat inside me rose and as Jana's eyes floated before me I realised that I stood on the edge of a precipice. I had a choice to make -- to walk away to safety in my new shroud, or to step forward into love and death. The heat burned higher and I searched those eyes for some clue, but the more I searched, the less I knew of my dilemma and the more insistent the heat became.
Jana spoke to me then, her voice as clear in the dream as if she were standing right there in front of me. "James, I want you but I cannot pay that price."
The dream me laughed, relieved at last. "Jana, I will pay with everything I have, and gladly so." I stepped forward and her arms held me up, a million miles from the ground, a million miles from the life I had known.
"James, you are a fool," Jana told me, "But I love you."
Our bodies melded into one, our hearts and minds following. Heat sought out heat and as they combined my heart soared, my pulse raced, and from deep within me came an outpouring of pure love.
I awoke, sweating and fevered, my heart racing and my mind filled with echoes of the heat and climax that I had felt so deeply in the dream. Even through the shock of awakening so abruptly, and the disorientation that threatened to overwhelm me, I knew now that back home in London Jana waited for me. I knew that, despite her words, she yearned for me and that, yes, she loved me.
During the long journey home I cast my mind around for the reason for Jana's earlier refusals and finally came up with the answer. It was clear to me now that she had declined by offers because she knew that she couldn't bear me children. Or that she carried, like the good Queen Victoria, the haemophilia curse. Or that some other hereditary disease would be likely to strike her down before her time. Or a dozen other plain and obvious reasons.
It mattered not which one was true, merely that I now knew that it was somethi