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To Find a Diwata.
Now as I entered high school fewer and fewer girls made fun of me but when they did it, they did it with greater precision and ferocity. It the four years only four girls took the time out to point out how I did not fit in the same world as them. One girl who I found annoying before she told me this, really became a person I detested. One day in algebra, when I was trying to pay attention to the teacher, she turned to me and said she had something to ask me and being the nice guy I am said sure. She went into a mind numbing tale about a guy she was dating and that even though she wanted to end it she wanted to know if guys minded if girls told them they still wanted to be friends and before I could give her any type of an answer, she said "Oh you wouldn't know anything about dating. There is no way a girl would go out with you."
A guy friend of her said "Damn HER NAME HERE.", as he looked shocked at what she said at me then her. My eyes stared down at the algebra book as though I could burn through the book, the desk, and the floor with anger.
All she said "What? He knows he's a loser."
It does not matter if what she said about not having a girl going out with me, she had no reason to bust me out like that in front of everyone. Though I am large I wanted to shrink away into nothingness. I wanted to just leave. Thankfully, this was one of the two worst things girls did to me the other was during a Spanish class field trip one of the two girls who like to laugh and point at me during class asked me if I wanted the rest of her fries. We were all on the bus heading back to school and my back was to the two of them as I chatted with a couple of friends. Now I know this seems harmless but just a few seconds earlier as I turned to see who was in front of me, out of the corner of my eye I saw her spit on them and I nicely said "No thank you, not a fan of fries." as I turned away and went back to my conversation.
That was the last time a girl ever made me feel crappy about myself and this was mainly because as I became older and older I pulled myself from the world. I treated school as a job, meaning when I was there I gave one hundred percent to my schoolwork and all my fellow students did not exist. I talked to them if they talked with me but I never sought friendship or human contact. I became very clinical, very unattached and for a long time that is how I lived. It may not have been the best way to deal with life but that was my choice.
Also, I started not caring what I looked like, so I ate anything and everything as I packed on the pounds. I liked food and I had no reason not to over indulge. I'm sure on some sub-conscience level I grew in weight knowing full well that fewer and fewer women would find that attractive.
Because of how bad a lot of people had treated me I did not want to go to college, so I "forgot" to apply because I knew that if I would have gone away to school I would not have be able to function but since I really always wanted to attend college I enrolled at a community college. The greatest thing I noticed about college is no one picked me out and made fun of me. I was able to go from class to class and not worry about that fact. For the first time in a long time all my concentration could go into schoolwork and my grades reflected that fact. I liked school and I liked college. Though I still was very apprehensive of people I was always waiting for the other foot to drop. So I still avoided human contact.
Quickly two years passed and I had to make a decision of where to transfer and that was a very easy choice. A private college only a 25-minute drive from my house was near me and after offering me a scholarship based on my GPA, I went there to finish my education. There I excelled scholastically. I ended up CUM LAUDE with a Bachelor Degree in Business.
As each passed without being picked on my confidence returned and I was able to be more social and open up.