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Now full panic set in. I had no way to reach him and no idea where he could have gone. I could only wait. I sat down at the kitchen table, set for a dinner with my husband of 25 years that was never going to happen. I broke down and cried as I looked at the empty chair. His favorite cup was at his place. The saltshaker that he kept close, even though I always nagged him about his blood pressure, set next to the centerpiece. I cried for over an hour setting in that chair. I finally got myself up and collapsed on our bed. I cried myself to sleep.

That was last Wednesday night. It was now a week later and I had not heard from my husband since he left that day. I tried his work number but his secretary coolly informed me that Mr. Dawkins was not in and had left word that his location was not to be disclosed to anyone. I talked with the kids but they just mentioned that dad had called them from work a couple of times. I didn't let them know anything was wrong.

I called the office three more times and tried to get through to him. I was refused every time. The last time I called, I was determined to get through to him.

"But I'm his wife! I have to talk to him. It's an emergency! Give me a number where he can be reached!" I yelled at this dimwit who refused to tell me where my husband had gone.

"I understand Mrs. Dawkins, but your husband said that I was not to give his location or number to anyone, including you." I could almost hear the smirk on her face over the phone.

"I am calling the police! They will make you give me the number where he is." I was going to find him if it was the last thing I did. I had to make him understand that this was nothing that we couldn't work through. It was only sex and not love. I loved him only! He had to hear that!

"That is fine with me. I will be glad to give the police a copy of the instructions Mr. Dawkins left for me." She disconnected and I sat there fuming. It was clear that Perk had no desire to talk to me and had made sure that I couldn't find him. It was easy for him since he owned the company! It was a small but very profitable software company that made modifications of existing software to customize it for specific applications. He often boasted of some of his bigger clients.

I tried to go to his office, but I couldn't get past Jerry, the security guard. He had known me for years but he told me he had strict orders not to let me in. I tried to bluff my way past him but he picked up the phone and started to call the police.

"Please Mrs. Dawkins: I'll lose my job if I let you in. I have a wife and two kids and I can't risk it. I'm sorry. You always treated me good." He was right. It was his job and I had no right to get him fired. Even though I was desperate, my own screw up was what caused this. It shouldn't cost him too.

Over the next few weeks I went through the different levels of loss: grieving, apathy, anger and finally acceptance. I now knew that Perk knew of my affair with Jason and had decided to end our marriage. I was angry with him because he would not give me a chance to explain. But then I asked myself what I could say that would explain my need for sex with someone else. I had no answer that made sense and none that would have ever satisfied me if I had caught him cheating. I finally had to accept that I had screwed up so badly that there was no way back. I was beginning to learn the price for my folly.

During the next 4 months, I heard nothing from Perk.

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